black clouds even blacker

Is it the phase of the moon or a bad work schedule? Depression normally doesn't come on 'til Winter, but I feel like shit. I want to sell anything related to any hobby I have, because I don't seem to have the time nor the desire. I haven't been outside much in the past few months except for going to and from the car. The garden is overgrown and the basement needs to be sorted out. Turntables, no. Cycling, no. Guitar? I might have seen one or two, maybe three in a closet somewhere. I just need to spend a few days in bed in a soft cuddle. Maybe some fried food. THe soft brush of lips and a light sigh. I don't want to make money for someone else or pay to live in a building that someone else owns. I don't want someone else's booze or food made in a factory. I want the things that I want. ...fuck.

Morning

It's a beautiful morning on Mt. Doom. Drinking some Amaro Gayo and listening to Wolves in the Throne Room and enjoying the after effects of last night's thunderstorm. It's still a bit humid, but at least the Sun isn't trying to kill us! Life out here is so close to perfect that I shouldn't complain. I've thought about this sort of life for so many years and I'm sure in a few more it'll be closer to perfect. Maybe a non-electric handpump option on our well? Rainwater catch systems? Woodstove? Being off the grid and totally self sufficient is a dream of mine. I don't want to support all these companies that drill, pollute the water and air and then sell it back to us at a price that inhibits our ability to pay for health care to fix the damage they caused in the first place. Not having to drive to work would be nice, too. Just living on what's here. Don't get me wrong, as much as I complain about it, I feel fortunate to have two jobs that provide a comfortable living. Especially in a time when so many have lost their jobs, though most people would not consider this living comfortably! We just don't seem to need as much as everybody else AND we could still cut so many corners! Hmmm, woodstove, wood oven, root cellar, no need for clocks. Sounds nice.

Mid Summer

The past few days were horribly hot and humid. At to the fact that we've had lots of company, hangovers and work and it's been rough. There's no reason to show up at 8am with teenagers to put up a porchswing. I like my routine and it doesn't involve being social. Coffee, news, filthy baggy clothes...yes. Company, no. Well, if it's Calum and he's helping me make a kick ass breakfast, that's different.
Anyway, the past year or so I've been stressing out about the whole being vegan/eating local/getting proper nutrition thing. If we lived somewhere like California it would be much easier, but western New York is trickier. Tonight it's pizza, thunderstorms and Hell's Kitchen if the weather permits.

aahhh, Summer

I live two different lives. Not because I want to, but because my brain and heart are not always moving at the same pace. I'm fully aware that living a modern lifestyle, while convenient and entertaining, is not the best way to achieve longevity. Eating locally is smart. Period. If we don't use so much energy to move food around or breed food to travel or artificially ripen foods we'll be better off in the long run. I love avocados and cashews and almonds. Coconut? Yes please! Living in the North East and eating a local vegan diet takes some planning years in advance. I'm also aware that many jobs are not sustainable, but I made the decision years ago to re-enter mainstream society and that requires work. Maybe if I made a full time commitment to dumpster diving and bartering again I could make it work. Would I feel right taking the chance of not being able to by Ed's medication to keep him alive? No. I still have to pay rent. It's no longer only my decision. Besides, squatting in the US is a pain in the ass sometimes and I don't think Dawn or the cats are really into it. So, here I am with my beat up notebook and pencil looking like a twitchy creep randomly jotting down words and scribbling pictures while trying to have a normal conversation with you or a customer or just alone in Greenstar or in my car trying to figure a way out or how to start another business that's a little less destructive than the last one. The answer is on the tip of my tongue. Sure, I seem to have figured it out every few weeks and then move on to a new idea. It makes look lazy, unstable, scatterbrained or whatever. I just completely cycle through things with out ever having to go through the physical motions. Sometimes I wish I were three people. Or maybe none at all. Shit, it would solve the problems of starting another band.

veganism and the environment

I always gave people shit about not being vegan, but being concerned with the environment. Second hand leather, silk, wool etc. would send me on a tirade about giving a shit about anything. It's embarrassing that it took years to realize that being vegan doesn't always mean you are doing the right thing. So many non animal products are made from PVC other shitty materials that are more environmentally hostile than using second hand leather or some other animal product. I wish we could find another alternative, but it seems that we always find a substitute that is more harmful in some way. I wish that organic cotton or hemp would suffice during the Western New York winters, but that's not the case. We use rubber muck boots, plastic rain coats and pants, synthetic gloves, and all sorts of other materials that are killing the planet as a whole. I don't want to wear animals and I would never buy them. How do we go about this?

stupid last frost

About a week ago there was a mild frost that may have killed about half our tomatoes. Fortunately, so many other things are doing well. There are dozens of beans, potatoes, onions, garlic and radishes that are thriving. The corn and melons were rushed so they might not do so well. Next year I don't think I'll till by hand with a pickaxe and a hoe. It was a great idea, but it didn't work so well. Oh, and I snapped the hoe in half!

beans-n-things

The garden is moving along quite well. We didn't allow ourselves enough space so we are planting around the perimeter. Things like squash that take up more space are outside the fence as is corn and more onions. We're thinking about setting up the area behind our house for next year which would be about four times the space we're using now. Why go to the store if you don't have to?