winding down

Well, my vacation is just about over, and it was nice to be around the house for a change. I didn't do all the little things that I thought I would, but I got a chance to relax and clear my head. I made the mistake of having a couple of cups of black tea yesterday to ease the lack-of-caffeine-headache and coupled that with some stressful email. All the tension that had left my body was instantly back and I woke up in a tense ball. I feel like I'm at ground zero again.

It figures

Lately I've been more than a bit nervous that something was going horribly wrong in my body. Between the split second headaches that felt similar to what I would imagine getting hit with a hammer would feel like, near crippling panic attacks(sometimes while driving) and odd numbing in different parts of my body. Not being the type to rush to a doctor, I used the handy internet to see if I could figure out what all this meant which lead to a couple of theories including diabetes, cirrhosis and stroke. Any of which seemed likely considering the way I've pushed myself the last 15 years. Finally I'd had enough and decided to see a doctor. Unfortunately I the only appointment I could get would have me waiting a week long than I was comfortable with, so I went to the ER. Weird. First came the questions. Fine. Then the blood pressure test. Oops, pretty high, but totally expected. Then the blood sugar test. Normal. Normal? Sweet, looks like I can take diabetes of the table. The Doc listens to my heart. Murmurs? No murmurs this time. Check the eyes. Seems fine. Now they decided it's time to take half my blood. Off it goes. Now this is the part that made me nervous. They want chest x-rays and CT scans. Crap. Off I go to get zapped. Now I'm a bit freaked out. The nurse tells me they're looking for tumors. I HATE the T word. I still have that one in my arm that showed up when I was about 19 and I don't need any more. Okay, the radiation is done and I'm back in the ER with Dawn waiting for results. After a Doctors' 10 minutes(that's 20 to the real world) the results are back. Nothing is wrong. Really? Really. All the test came back normal. Hmm. Okay, so I ask about the punching bag. Yep, liver works just fine. I'll take it. So, I ask about all the weird symptoms that I've been having and they tell me it's more or less stress. I need to relax, because it's manifesting itself physically. I was told to rest, drink clear liquids and avoid booze(okay), cigarettes(sure) and caffeine. Caffeine? I roast coffee for a living and I've been drinking coffee since I was five! This is going to prove to be a challenge. At least it's just stress, right?

Day one

Today is the first day of the first official vacation I've ever taken. Woke up before 6am as usual, but that's fine. I'm not really one for sleeping in, because it makes me feel like I've wasted part of the day. We've decided not to go anywhere and just get the house organized, getting rid of things we haven't used in a long time. We've pulled out the seeds that we want to plant this year and are eagerly awaiting the arrival of spring. Hopefully the seeds still have life in them as they are leftover from last year and we aren't experienced is storage techniques. Live and learn, live and learn. This Winter has been quite mild compared to last year. For us anyway, Philly and D.C. got absolutely hammered, effectively shutting down the government for a week. There's still time for us too get some of that snow, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't happen. It's becoming more apparent that we are going to need an AWD car or truck living up here. Last week I had trouble again getting up the "mountain" and had to drive 12 miles around the other side and still had a little trouble. I'm still getting used to living like this.

Winter Again

So, Winter is here again, the days are shorter and the temperature has dropped. Looks like it's time for soup! Hopefully we won't get carried away with the baking this season. It's probably good that the snow is going to keep us in, because I'm so far behind on life. Lots of letters to write, music to make and recipes to try. Made a coffee cake tonight that was ruined by using cheap ginger powder. It made a pecan pie kind of weird, too. Compost. Lesson learned.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

The Sun has just come up over the horizon and is poking through the trees. I'm drinking coffee from South America that was picked by hand, bean by bean. Most of us don't think much about the effort put into out morning coffee/tea by people we'll never meet in countries we may never go to. What if we could only consume things grown in our own region with the occasional import from a few hundred miles away. Not much caffeine in these parts. What if 2 1/2 years from now we can't have these things because Merlin was right. What is we are interpreting the long calender correctly. Enjoy that coffee/tea, that coconut or that avocado and no it may not be for long, asshole.

black clouds even blacker

Is it the phase of the moon or a bad work schedule? Depression normally doesn't come on 'til Winter, but I feel like shit. I want to sell anything related to any hobby I have, because I don't seem to have the time nor the desire. I haven't been outside much in the past few months except for going to and from the car. The garden is overgrown and the basement needs to be sorted out. Turntables, no. Cycling, no. Guitar? I might have seen one or two, maybe three in a closet somewhere. I just need to spend a few days in bed in a soft cuddle. Maybe some fried food. THe soft brush of lips and a light sigh. I don't want to make money for someone else or pay to live in a building that someone else owns. I don't want someone else's booze or food made in a factory. I want the things that I want. ...fuck.

Morning

It's a beautiful morning on Mt. Doom. Drinking some Amaro Gayo and listening to Wolves in the Throne Room and enjoying the after effects of last night's thunderstorm. It's still a bit humid, but at least the Sun isn't trying to kill us! Life out here is so close to perfect that I shouldn't complain. I've thought about this sort of life for so many years and I'm sure in a few more it'll be closer to perfect. Maybe a non-electric handpump option on our well? Rainwater catch systems? Woodstove? Being off the grid and totally self sufficient is a dream of mine. I don't want to support all these companies that drill, pollute the water and air and then sell it back to us at a price that inhibits our ability to pay for health care to fix the damage they caused in the first place. Not having to drive to work would be nice, too. Just living on what's here. Don't get me wrong, as much as I complain about it, I feel fortunate to have two jobs that provide a comfortable living. Especially in a time when so many have lost their jobs, though most people would not consider this living comfortably! We just don't seem to need as much as everybody else AND we could still cut so many corners! Hmmm, woodstove, wood oven, root cellar, no need for clocks. Sounds nice.