Wednesday, July 1, 2009

aahhh, Summer

I live two different lives. Not because I want to, but because my brain and heart are not always moving at the same pace. I'm fully aware that living a modern lifestyle, while convenient and entertaining, is not the best way to achieve longevity. Eating locally is smart. Period. If we don't use so much energy to move food around or breed food to travel or artificially ripen foods we'll be better off in the long run. I love avocados and cashews and almonds. Coconut? Yes please! Living in the North East and eating a local vegan diet takes some planning years in advance. I'm also aware that many jobs are not sustainable, but I made the decision years ago to re-enter mainstream society and that requires work. Maybe if I made a full time commitment to dumpster diving and bartering again I could make it work. Would I feel right taking the chance of not being able to by Ed's medication to keep him alive? No. I still have to pay rent. It's no longer only my decision. Besides, squatting in the US is a pain in the ass sometimes and I don't think Dawn or the cats are really into it. So, here I am with my beat up notebook and pencil looking like a twitchy creep randomly jotting down words and scribbling pictures while trying to have a normal conversation with you or a customer or just alone in Greenstar or in my car trying to figure a way out or how to start another business that's a little less destructive than the last one. The answer is on the tip of my tongue. Sure, I seem to have figured it out every few weeks and then move on to a new idea. It makes look lazy, unstable, scatterbrained or whatever. I just completely cycle through things with out ever having to go through the physical motions. Sometimes I wish I were three people. Or maybe none at all. Shit, it would solve the problems of starting another band.